Saturday, April 18, 2009

Why I write this blog

I've been told by a friend that if you have a blog it should be committed to two things.  The first is a specific and easy to understand mission and the second would be short entries in support of that mission.

I have failed on both accounts.

My mission has been unclear and my entries rather long.

So consider this post a re-set and an attempt to gain interest from you in my writing with a clear perspective within a short post.

Why am I writing this blog?  I was a distracted and bad student in high school which has led me in adulthood to feel confused while believing I am stupid.  I've often accepted bad advice as truth because it was dressed up within powerful rhetoric.  I thought, What the hell, if someone said something loud enough it was probably true because who am I to question that.  I found my unexamined life has allowed me to live within the safety of a mediocre mind.  But in the context of our current crazy times I've come to realize that being a perpetual C student may not ask much but it can cost a whole hell of a lot.  

I have come to realize that I don't really believe what I think I know so I've felt a need to examine and re-examine many different ideas now because my confusion can't be calmed with a retreat to stupidity.

This blog is an attempt for me to get to know my own mind so I can resolve confusion. 

There is a Buddhist saying, "If you want enlightenment, don't seek the truth, just drop all of your opinions." 

This therefore is a blog that will describe the new possibilities one can find by honestly admitting confusion and dropping ideas that empower mediocre thinking.  

It will not be comfortable for me and I hope it will be less so for you.  If I do this well then I expect many of you to be pissed off. 



kateherself said...

I very much look forward to reading what comes next!

And I love the Buddhist quote.

One last thing: I am absolutely flabbergasted that you ever thought you were stupid. I have always thought you are one of the smartest people I know.

Here's to the journey.


detroit joel said...

hey chuck... i like this blog. i've been reading Li Young Lee lately. He's a poet from chicago. i mostly read poets. here is a sample from his latest book: Behind My Eyes:

Dying Stupid

My name is written in heaven and so is yours.
Heaven above is heaven below.
But what do I know?

It's possible i never lived
and might die stupid, never knowing
if being born is good or bad.
And is death worse or better than what?
And is each person's death the same?
How can that be if every life is different?
Is every life different?

"All being tends toward fire," says the fire.
"All being tends toward water," says the water.
"Light" says the light.
"Wings," say the birds.
"Voice," says the voiceless.

And to the mysteries of appearance add Song.
And to the mysteries of disappearance
add world-creating, world-destroying Time.
But what do I mean by "world"?
Worlds? Each a world? Worlds within a world?
What do I mean when I say, "The world and I are imperfect friends?"

What do I mean when I say, "The voices of children
shepherding noon signals thunder
and springtime at large among the glyphs?"

Have I clung too long to notions i arrived at
playing alone as a boy;
sentences my father said to copy
a hundred times each night into a notebook?
What can I say I know for sure?

Days grow old, but Day? Never.
Nights are broken by days, a thread skipping,
but Night? Never.

And in the shadow of our human dream of falling,
human voices are Creation's most recent flowers,
mere buds of fire
nodding on their stalks.

--Li Young Lee

Thanks for sharing your blog.

Anonymous said...

Dear Chuck,
Life is full of confusion; that's what makes it interesting, challenging, exhausting, energizing, etc. Welcome to the battle that we all face, although it's a battle that won't be won!

Lastly, I'm confused to why or how you could have ever thought you were stupid. hmmm...???

Keep bloggin'!
;) Karen

Carol said...

I completely get the "feeling stupid" thing (uh, not that I think you are. You're way, way not stupid). But when you're lying awake nights wrestling with Big Big Issues, and feeling close to despair because it just doesn't add up, and certain people around you seem so damn sure and untroubled about those same issues -- it's easy to stop wrestling and start following. I'm confused, so I must be stupid; they've got it figured out, so they must be smart.

Took me a long time to get past all that...

Looking forward to future posts,
Carol Pietrantoni